RTS in Need of Support

I am a Religious Trauma Survivor that very much still struggles with the wounds that were dealt to me growing up. Unfortunately, my parents and brother are still very much steeped in the Evangelical Christian community. I have not conformed to the lifestyle they had in mind for me, so I have been relegated to that of a "prodigal child". I was emotionally and psychologically abused growing up by my mom, who is a narcissist. It's a complicated situation because there has been codependency and trauma bonds that formed, and it wasn't until just recently that I came to understand the significance this abuse has had in my life. I have grown up having an anxiety inducing fear of hell that would send me into panic attacks due to things my mother would tell me. My parents would consistently tell me that I was practicing "Christianity" wrong. For instance, they first became "Christians" when I was around age 11, I prayed with my eyes open. I was told I had to pray with my eyes closed. I searched the Bible for a verse that would prove I could pray however I wanted. In any case, my life from age 11 until now, at age 37, has been my family trying to tell me how to believe, think, and act. It stripped me of my identity from an early age and now that I have largely set boundaries and mostly cut them out of my life, I am left trying to figure out who I am. I find that I am broken, unsure what to believe, and left trying to pick up the pieces. I'm really not sure what this website is supposed to do or the purpose of this message forum. But, hopefully, more will be added and I can find some healing through it. Feel free to respond if you have any words of encouragement or support to offer. I would appreciate it.

Thank you for sharing Nikkie, you were heard.

I can relate with your story on many levels. I too am a Religious Trauma Survivor seeking to Thrive in my recovery. Ever since I left my DCO (Dysfunctional Church of Origin) my DFO (Dysfunctional Family of Origin) have sought to scapegoat my wife and I. In their denial of their own behavior and trauma bonded to the narcissistic father, they have been attempting to ruin our life by verbally attacking us online, at work, school, and places of worship. They even convinced a former church leader to threaten us, deny me communion, and call the authorities if we showed up to church again.

I came across the book, "When Religion Hurts You", and I related well with Dr. Anderson's take on deconstruction from High Control Religions. It was through that book that I landed here. This is my first day on this forum and I am grateful I came across your post.

Looking forward to what is ahead.

Respectfully,
Makari

Hi Makari and Nikkie,
I resonate with much of what you both said. I'm a fellow prodigal child, who couldn't seem to get it right for most of my childhood, and wound up losing my church, family, friends, community in adulthood. Just saying all that brings up a pang of pain. I'm excited to join you here, even if I'm kinda late to the start of this conversation! :)

Hi all,
Your stories resonate so much. I was raised in the Independent Fundamental Baptist faith and worked at a Jesus camp from ages 13-15. I left the church at the age of 18 when I miscarried. There was so much shame and judgement for me. My parents don't really speak to me as they see me going through "spiritual warfare." It's been over 20 years and all this trauma is boiling up for me and my therapist sent me this link to help me with healing. I've been writing my story out as a way to heal and hope this training can help me gain perspective and healing.